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Natural Masochist

Because

I drove twenty miles to where you are

Just to be alone

After I trusted you

After I believed in the lies that I knew you were telling

After I gave you the shirt off my back

You couldn’t give me a hug?

You couldn’t ask me what I wanted

Instead of getting frustrated and Giving Up

(And that’s another promise broken)

Because your way didn’t work

Instead of spewing abuse and hatred

Because I was crying uncontrollably

Instead of even thanking me for coming through for you

Like I always have.

Sometimes you used to thank me, at least

Because I did everything you asked

Every. Damn. Thing.

And you just kept asking for more

Because you turned out to be shallow

Because you only wanted to use me

Because now that you have money, you don’t need me

Because you left me broken and broke

And falling so fast that

I don’t even notice

The warning signs surrounding the edge

Because when I stepped over the precipice

I thought I was falling into love

Not jumping to my death

I can see the ground racing toward me

I can point out with certainty

Which one of the small rocks will be the one

To pierce my brain first

To end my life

I have time to think back and realize

That I wouldn’t have jumped

But you gave me that push that I needed

I have just enough time before my suicide to realize

That it really should be a homicide

That you killed me slowly, starting the day we met

Before my body collides against the earth

And all I can think of is you.

Gravity crushing my mass to the ground

Is nothing compared to being wrapped up in your arms

The cold, hard ground

Could learn a thing or two from your perfect, strong build

The stones digging through my skin

Are gentler than your fingertips were that one time when I took that curve too fast

And this road rash tearing off my skin?

Pales in comparison to the feel of your hand in my hair on a lazy morning.

Yes

You won

You broke me,

Totally and completely

You have a power over me that I swore I’d never give another person

And all I want,

In this last fleeting instant

Before I’m completely and utterly destroyed

Is the chance to go back to the day we met

And do it all over again.

 
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Posted by on June 15, 2017 in Dark, Poems

 

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