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Rejected

One day,

when I’m finally free

and you gather to mourn my escape

from this captivity that you call “life,”

don’t say you wish you knew. 

Don’t tell people,

with tears in your eyes,

all the ways you would have helped

if I had just come to you. 

Because I fucked up. 

I left some evidence last night,

and I didn’t realize until I saw you 

watching the patch of dirty red

contrasting with my faded jeans. 

I was ready for you to approach me

or call someone

or take me somewhere. 

Until I looked into your eyes

and watched you convince yourself

that it wasn’t real

Because it’s easier for you to 

lie to yourself

than to accept what I’ve become. 

It explains so much, though. 

You can’t love 

What you don’t understand

and those bridges behind me 

might be burning,

But the fire started on the other side. 

One day, I’ll be stranded

And when your siege 

becomes my demise

You’ll look regretfully at the ashes

That used to connect us

And wonder when they fell apart.  

But I know. 

And when I die, 

Alone

Afraid

Unloved

The last thing that I’ll see

Will be your face 

As you chose your pride 

Over my mental stability

And I can almost smell the kerosene

As you turn away

And drop the match. 

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Posted by on May 28, 2015 in Dark, Dysfunctional, Poems

 

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Apology Excepted (and that’s grammatically correct)

I’m sorry

that I didn’t believe you when you said

You loved me

You cared about me

You wanted to be there for me

But I thought you were lying 

How could I not?

All I’ve ever known is people who

Lie

Cheat

Steal

Fake

Break Promises

Why would I ever expect you to be

Different?

Except,

You didn’t tell me that you loved me

Unconditionally

that you cared about me

Uniquely

that you wanted to be there for me

Unendingly

I’m sorry 

That it took me so long 

to understand

but I just couldn’t rationalize the idea

that you were capable of being This

with the picture

that you always taught me to see

I’m sorry

that I believed you when you told me

that because you were different,

you would never do the same things

I’m sorry 

that you only care about me

If it would reflect badly on you 

if you didn’t. 

Except,

you’ll never hear this

and you’ll never see this

because I’m not talking to you. 

I’m talking to the Me that still believes you

Because one day,

She’ll have to be the one

Apologizing,

And I’m sorry

that she had to go through that. 

Except,

She isn’t me anymore. 

Maybe she never was

 
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Posted by on January 15, 2015 in Dysfunctional, Poems

 

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Paradox 

One of the 

strangest 

Things about life

is that

despite how hard you fight the 

Demons,

Sometimes

The only way to kill them

is to create more. 

One of the 

strangest

Things about demons

is that

The ones you create

to protect yourself

will

invariably

turn on you. 

But you’ll discover that

They Are Invincible. 

One of the

strangest 

Things about chance

is that it’s never in your favor

The one time

Something you made

Actually works,

Is when it’s trying to kill you

But at that point, 

You’re grateful

Because that’s just another thing 

That you were too weak

To do

Yourself

Have you ever sunk so low

that you found yourself 

indebted to a demon 

For taking your life?

 
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Posted by on December 20, 2014 in Dark, Poems

 

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